Some observations from inside of depression.
0. Depression is out to kill you. You are on its kill list. It just needs your help in getting the job done. Knowing this will depress you more.
1. Depression makes you contact the people you have no business contacting at the worst possible time. These being exes, ex friends, and others who don’t reciprocate your engagement. At the times of my deepest depression I have tried to contact people who no longer wanted to be in my life, worsening the depression.
2. Depression makes you more needy (which brings about contacting people you have no business of doing so). It makes masking neediness more difficult (everybody’s needy it’s just that most people can hide it). When neediness is unmasked people run away from you, leaving you more needy and depressed.
3. Depression breeds insecurity directly and indirectly. It often prevents you from accomplishing the things needed to be treated as someone of value in this society but also makes you porous so the negative thoughts others are communicating about you get absorbed by your brain.
4. Depression makes you absorb love at twice the rate non depressed do. Most people don’t want to make this sacrifice so they cut you off, worsening the depression.
5. Depression is like Chinese handcuffs. The harder you try to think your way out of it the deeper you descend into it.