Masculinity Toxic By Default

OK now the American Psychological Association has declared traditional masculinity toxic  (and so my love affair with modern psychology continues).

So you’are saying men have to show emotion.  But emotion is like an oil well, something very hard to selectively control.  Society wants men to show emotion but only when it comprises a feat of strength (like emotionally supporting a partner).  At all other times they must suppress it.  I have had at least one woman cut me off when I was vulnerable with her about my mental health struggles.  

I am weak which is why men and women don’t respect me.  I can remember one time going out on a paddle boat with an autism group I helped run and melting down when I didn’t think we could paddle back to shore.  It didn’t garner me any respect with the other people in that boat.  Men are expected to be courageous and that necessitates suppressing emotion.  It is disingenuous for modern psychology to label something that has helped men survive and mate for millennia toxic.

rigid vs malleable

A rubric for helping understand the conservative/liberal divide is rigid verses malleable. The obvious flashpoint being gender identity. Conservatives dig in and say biological sex always matches gender and liberals say it’s more fluid than that.

Modern psychology is all about most everything being malleable. An attitude change can change your life. Society will accept you if you give it your best. It has not worked that way for me at all. Part of what makes me view society is rigid is the fact that I have a physical disability which is an affront to the rest of the room’s comfort and it’s incumbent of me to put everyone at ease. However I am likely on the autistic spectrum and suffer from depression so I don’t have the tools to feel out the room for the correct way to make everyone feel at ease.

A lot of the alt right posits that people are like dynamos moving on a fixed trajectory. Women are only interested in the top 20 percent of men. Humankind is basically evil. There is a fixed pecking order. The issue here is the less malleable you think society the more you are going to play a role that remains fixed. And the less charisma and more depression you have the more the world is going to appear and actually be fixed for you because modifying your attitude and making the room warm up to you takes talent and effort.

A Negative By Default

As a man, you are a negative by default. My mom is baby sitting some kids on her house and I still live at home. She does not bother to tell them I will be there because that is a negative because men are assumed to be pedophiles unless they can furnish enough evidence to prove otherwise.

Being a negative by default permeates every aspect of a man’s life. When he contacts a woman she assumes (often correctly) that he’s trying to get into her pants and thus generally gives him a negative response unless he is someone way up high.

Of course modern psychology is trying to get people to believe they have innate worth. If you are a man (particularly a man closer to the bottom) then you are a negative by default so your low self esteem is warranted. Of course that doesn’t keep modern psychology from guilting you over this.

Things that I say the offend Christians part 5

The deepest truths in life are lived, not Boolean affirmative or negative.  People will go to extreme measures to keep these truths intact.  This is why people (including Christians) largely control their beliefs by who they let into their lives.  A truth as deep as whether or not God is involved in one’s life is either experienced or not experienced.  The best way to stay Christian is to keep your distance from the people for whom this incarnated truth is a falsehood.  This is why youth directors’ worst album is Nine Inch Nails’s Pretty Hate Machine.  Because that is about a man seeking God and truth and finding nothing.

Modern Christianity largely transpires on the seat of the emotion, not the intellect.  This is especially true in denominations that promote praise and worship music.  The problem with this is for some people (particularly those who are emotionally stunted due to mental illness or other pathology) it’s more difficult to feel God is real even than to know he is.  The experience of worship really only keeps working if one has the emotional bandwidth to keep feeding them self stories of God saving and sustaining them over and over again.  This is also why Christians are so concerned with one’s “heart” being right and one not being bitter.  Because there is so much of an emotional component to the whole thing and once something goes awry with the emotions the faith will often follow suit.

A lot of prayer runs up against zero sum situations.  God answering your prayer for that job necessitates that another person vying for that job has theirs go unanswered.  So much of modern life revolves around competing for a limited amount of resources so praying is akin to asking divine blessing to outbid someone else for scarce resources (like a house in a good neighborhood, a good job, a man with a good job, entry into a selective school, etc..).  It’s like a Mario Kart power up.  That star will get you ahead but that necessitates others falling behind.

Experiences of God are heavily mediated by the brain.  This is why there are millennia year old institutions that tell us who God is and none of them seem to agree.  Scientific truth on the other hand is easy for scientists to agree on.  It is also why science based treatments for mental illness work so much better than religious ones.  Once the brain goes, so does God.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4


say what you want about stick up men
and the dirty deed they perform
but at least they’re honest
if asked they would tell you they’re not here to dialogue
some of my friends on the right need to learn from stick up men
a threat to life and livelihood is not dialogue
there is no dialogue to be had about taking people (especially women’s) healthcare away
there is no dialogue to be had about making immigrants and refugees live in fear
there is no dialogue to be had about removing people’s right to love who they wish
there is no dialogue to be had about poisoning our air and water
there is no dialogue to be had about letting special needs kids languish
there is no dialogue to be had about leaving the planet uninhabitable for our children
I’d be happy to dialogue things that warrant it
but don’t use the “let’s dialogue” trope
to make your threats seem more dignified

i’m not going to stay quiet
over what I’m not allowed to believe
(life is relational, not Mario like individualistic, for example whether one works
hard has more to do with how many good bosses they had than anything else)
(reply time is inverse proportional to concern for you)
(i’m treated like a product and expected to believe i’m a person)
(virtue gets you so much less of you are oppressed)
(therapists exert a tremendous amount of power over their clients but are disingenuous about this fact)
(jobs for all but those with stellar work histories come from
connections, not any other process
[needing to be known by the Reformed Dutch people to procure employment])
(being ignored because of being low status)
(negative thoughts exacerbate depression but don’t cause it and playing cognitive tricks to get rid of
them is like trying to stave off a flood with a metal pail)
(what you do is who you are)
(if you are a man over thirty without money you are *nothing*)
(being treated bad because you look different)
(putting yourself first gives you the happiest life)
outing unwritten rules will earn you tons of blow back
outing the mere fact that they’re outable won’t make you many friends either
(the people writing the unwritten rules are the ones who rule the world
[keep that salary quiet!])
(tragedy is distributed very unevenly throughout the populace)
the truth is a lie’s greatest threat!


And this rubric on the left verses the right outlines beliefs of both sides.  Trust me I have gotten in trouble for breaking taboos on both sides.

Redpill Doesn’t Help

The Redpill movement bemoans the fact that personal virtue doesn’t get you anywhere with women.  So their strategy is for men to act more like assholes to get them.  But this doesn’t work simply because vice works just as well as virtue.  The reason assholes are getting all the women is they have something to offer (looks, money, status, charisma).  If they were saints they would have the exact same amount of luck.  People like to denigrate incels (men who can’t get women at all) but incels are not worse than regular men, it is just they don’t have anything to offer so all one sees is their character.

Self Image and Oppression

The whole point of modern psychology’s imperative to have a positive self image is to oppress.  If you are a peon and you think of yourself as a peon you are more likely to push back against those oppressing you (by collective bargaining perhaps).  However, if you think of yourself as this amazing person while still being a peon you are more likely to put up with whatever comes your way.  This isn’t always true obviously, peons with amazing self image may fight back against their oppressors but as a general rule it holds.

Exercise Guilting

An exercise that happens all too often in mental health circles is exercise guilting.  They tell people physical exercise can treat depression (without giving any details about how much) and then when it isn’t working (generally for people with more severe depression) they move the stakes and say things like “you’re doing it wrong” or “you haven’t been doing it a long enough time”.  You are not allowed to question which depression treatments work even if they don’t work for you because when you are depressed you are generally also on the bottom.

For me the things that often co-occur with exercise are helpful with depression (interaction with people, being out in nature) but exercising alone gives me no benefit.  Another reason people say exercise treats depression is, when people exercise, they want them to get the placebo effect where they think it’s working.  For me it is just the opposite, I get the nocebo effect from exercising because I have put it to the test so many times and it has failed.

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