I confess that I have psynned in thought, word, and deed. I confess that I have said and done things that modern psychology deems “unhealthy”.

I confess that I have not lived life as an atomized individual and have been less productive, less successful, and less whole due to this. I do independent projects when there is an audience for them. I exercise when someone pushes me to go with them. I am productive when I have structure (which I rarely do because I’m on the bottom and most people won’t touch me with a ten foot pole). I have committed the unpardonable psyn because I’m codependant and would lose everything if I lost my mother.

I confess that I possess low but accurate self-esteem. I reserve the right to feel whatever I want about myself as psychology’s mantra is “you do you”. I do not believe I have innate worth because as someone who people have deemed OK to treat like shit I don’t experience it. Trying to get me to build self-esteem is like outfitting a submarine with a screen door because as a man my value as a human being comes from what I contribute to society (and society affirms this is true by the way it treats men like me who lose).

I confess I don’t give people the benefit of the doubt but I’m going to keep doing it because they have lost my trust. I get it that you want me to assume people are good even when they have proven time and time again that they are otherwise. I know you want people to feel that they’re basically good and that the confabulations they’re spewing in therapy have a basis in reality because you make a living largely based on telling people what they what they want to hear.

I confess most of my thoughts are negative and that makes you uncomfortable. Speaking truth to power is rarely sunshine and rainbows though. My experiences are commensurate with my thoughts. If I have good experiences I’ll have good thoughts. If not, I won’t. Efforts to try to get me concoct confabulations about my past to get me to feel better about myself are not going to work because one prick of truth can pop that reality distortion bubble so I’d rather not build of a bulwark of bullshit that is going to splatter in my face when I need it most.

I confess I am beyond help because I can’t use your SSRI anti depressants. Because I’m bipolar I can’t be on the only medication that helps mitigate the stress of depression and helps one to be more atomized. Just like the social dynamic is different when you are sober while others are drinking, the dynamic of therapy isn’t the same without SSRI’s which help one put into practice the religion of modern psychology.

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